|
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1. Once you have their money, you never give it back.
1. Rom, "The Nagus"
2. Nog, Celebrity Comic #1
3. The Federation Travel Guide
1. If they want their money back, give it to them.
Rom and Quark, "Prophet Motive" (*)
2. The best deal is the one that brings the most profit.
Quark, The 34th Rule
3. Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.
Quark, "The Maquis, Part II"
3. I found it; it's mine.
Nog, Prisoners of Peace
4. A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen.
'Rules of Netquisition' #1
6. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
1. Zek, "The Nagus"
2. Odo, Saratoga
3. Quark, Rom, and Dax, Wrath of the
Prophets
4. Rom, "Lwaxana Troi and the Wedding
of Doom" (comic)
5. Quark, Vengeance (*)
6. Star Trek on the Brain
7. Keep your ears open.
1. Odo, "In the Hands of the Prophets"
2. Ben Sisko, "The Siege of AR-558"
8. Small print leads to large risk.
Rules
8. Only a fool passes up a business opportunity.
Vung, Warchild
9. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
1. Nog, "The Storyteller"
2. The Making of ST:DS9
3. Nog, The Pet
4. Nog, Celebrity Comic #1
5. Quark, The Heart of the Warrior
6. Narrator, "Life's Lessons"
10. Greed is eternal.
1. Quark, "Prophet Motive"
2. Arridor and Kol, "False Profits"
3. Quark, Rebels #1: The Conquered
10. Greed is dead.
Rom, "Prophet Motive" (*)
11. Even if it's free, you can always buy it cheaper.
'Rules of Netquisition' #3
12. Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.
'Rules of Netquisition' #1
13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
1. The Making of ST:DS9
2. Rules
14. [not given]
Nog, "Life's Lessons"
15. Keep your family close; keep your latinum closer.
'Rules of Netquisition' #3
16. A deal is a deal... until a better one comes along.
1. Quark, "Melora"
2. Nog, Highest Score
3. Rom and Odo, Saratoga
17. A contract is a contract is a contract--but only between
Ferengi.
Rom, Quark, Brunt, and Gint, "Body
Parts"
18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
1. Ben Sisko and Nog, "Heart of
Stone"
2. Nog, Celebrity Comic #1
3. Rom and Odo, Saratoga
4. Quark, "Ferengi Love Songs"
19. Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
1. Quark, "Meridian"
2. Quark, Rebels #2: The Courageous
20. Only give money to people you know you can steal from.
'Rules of Netquisition' #2
21. Never place friendship before profit.
1. Quark, "Rules of Acquisition"
2. Star Trek on the Brain
21. Never place profit before friendship.
Rom, "Prophet Motive" (*)
22. A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
1. Pel, "Rules of Acquisition"
2. Nog, Cardassian Imps
3. Arridor and Kol, "False Profits"
4. Quark, The 34th Rule
22. Latinum tarnishes, but family is forever.
Rom, "Prophet Motive" (*)
23. Money can never replace dignity.
Rom, "Prophet Motive" (*)
24. Latinum can't buy happiness, but you can sure have
a blast renting it.
'Rules of Netquisition' #2
25. There's always a way out.
'Rules of Netquisition' #1
26. As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer.
'Rules of Netquisition' #1
27. There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
1. Rules
2. Quark, Rebels #2: The Courageous
29. What's in it for me?
Nog, Highest Score
31. Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother.
(Insult something he cares about,
instead.)
Quark, "The Siege" (Add-on: Rules)
33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
1. Quark and Pel, "Rules of Acquisition"
2. The Making of ST:DS9
3. Odo, Saratoga
34. War is good for business.
1. Quark, "Destiny"
2. Ezri Dax, "The Siege of AR-558"
3. Quark, The 34th Rule (*)
4. Quark, Rebels #3: The Liberated
35. Peace is good for business.
1. Dax, "Destiny"
2. Quark and Rom, Objective: Bajor
(*)
37. If it's free, take it and worry about hidden costs
later.
Nog, Arcade
39. Friendship is temporary; profit is forever.
'Rules of Netquisition' #1
40. She can touch your lobes, but never your latinum.
Rules
41. Profit is its own reward.
Rules
42. What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too.
'Rules of Netquisition' #1
44. Never confuse wisdom with luck.
1. Rules
2. Ben Sisko, Rebels #1: The Conquered
45. Ambition knows no family.
'Rules of Netquisition' #2
46. Make your shop easy to find.
'Rules of Netquisition' #1
47. Never trust anyone whose suit is nicer than your own.
Quark, "Rivals"
Bractor, "The 34th Rule"
48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
1. Pel, "Rules of Acquisition"
2. Nog, Celebrity Comic #1
3. Odo, Saratoga
4. Star Trek on the Brain (*)
49. Everything is worth something to somebody.
'Rules of Netquisition' #2
50. Gratitude can bring on generosity.
'Rules of Netquisition' #1
51. Reward anyone who adds to your profits so they will
continue to do so.
Bokat, Arcade
52. Never ask when you can take.
Quark, "Babel"
57. Good customers are as rare as latinum--treasure them.
Quark, "Armageddon Game"
58. There is no substitute for success.
Rules
59. Free advice is seldom cheap.
1. Quark, "Rules of Acquisition"
2. The Making of ST:DS9
3. Odo, Saratoga
60. Keep your lies consistent.
Rules (*)
60. Let's you and him fight.
1. Tunk, Balance of Power
2. Rom, "Four Funerals and a Wedding"
(comic)
62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
1. Pel, "Rules of Acquisition"
2. Nog, Cardassian Imps
3. Quark, "Little Green Men"
4. Gronn, Celebrity Comic #1 (*)
5. Federation (*)
6. Gaila, "Business as Usual"
7. Quark, The 34th Rule
8. Quark, Rebels #2: The Courageous
65. Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff.
Rules
65. Huyperian beetle snuff may be fun for you and me,
but it's no fun for the beetles.
Zek, "Prophet Motive" (*)
68. Ear stroking will get you anything.
'Rules of Netquisition' #1
69. Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other
races.
Tunk, Balance of Power
72. Never trust your customers.
'Rules of Netquisition' #1
73. If it gets you profit, sell your own mother.
'Rules of Netquisition' #1
75. Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made
of latinum.
1. Quark, "Civil Defense"
2. Quark, Rebels #1: The Conquered
76. Every once in a while declare peace.
1. Quark, "The Homecoming"
2. Nog, Prisoners of Peace
3. Quark, The 34th Rule
77. It's better to swallow your pride than to lose your
profit.
'Rules of Netquisition' #2
78. When the going gets tough, the tough change the Rules.
'Rules of Netquisition' #3
79. Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
Rules
82. The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
Rules
84. A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount.
'Rules of Netquisition' #2
85. Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
Rules
87. Learn the customer's weaknesses so you can better take
advantage of him.
Nog, Highest Score
87. A friend in need means three times the profit.
'Rules of Netquisition' #2
89. Ask not what your profits can do for you,
but what you can do for your profits.
Rules
92. There are many paths to profit.
Nog, Highest Score
93. Act without delay! The sharp knife cuts quickly.
'Rules of Netquisition' #1
94. Females and finances don't mix.
1. Rom, "Ferengi Love Songs"
2. Quark and Nog, "Profit and
Lace"
95. Expand or die.
Kafar, "False Profits"
96. For every Rule, there is an equal and opposite Rule
(except when there's not).
Rules
97. Enough... is never enough.
Rules
98. Every man has his price.
1. Quark, "In the Pale Moonlight"
2. Quark, The 34th Rule
99. Trust is the biggest liability of all.
Rules
100. If they take your first offer, you either asked too
little
or offered too much.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#2
101. The only value of a collectible is what you can get
somebody
else to pay for it.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#1
102. Nature decays, but latinum is forever.
Quark and Nog, "The Jem'Hadar"
103. Sleep can interfere with... [cut off]
Pel, "Rules of Acquisition"
(*)
103. Fill a desparate need with your most expensive product,
then mark it up 500%.
Rom, The Heart of the Warrior
104. Faith moves mountains... of inventory.
Rules
105. Don't trust anyone who trusts you.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#2
106. There is no honor in poverty.
Rules
107. A warranty is valid only if they can find you.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#2
109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
Quark, "Rivals"
111. Treat people in your debt like family--exploit them
[ruthlessly].
1. Ben Sisko, "Past Tense,
Part I"
2. Worf, "The Darkness and
the Light"
3. Add-on: Quark, Legends
of the Ferengi
112. (Omitted)
Quark, "Playing God" (*)
113. (Omitted)
Rules (*)
115. The best contract always has a lot of fine print.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#3
116. There's always a catch.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#1
119. Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet.
(Sometimes, good things
come in small packages.)
1. 'Rules of Netquisition'
#1
2. "Who Mourns For Morn?"
121. Everything is for sale, even friendship.
Rules
123. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.
1. Rules
2. Quark, Rebels #1: The
Conquered
125. You can't makke a deal if you're dead.
Quark, "The Siege of AR-558"
126. Count it.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#1
127. Stay neutral in conflict so that you can sell supplies
to both sides.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#2
135. Never trust a beneficiary.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#1
139. Wives serve; brothers inherit.
1. Odo, "Necessary Evil"
2. Odo, Saratoga
141. Only fools pay retail.
Rules
142. There's no such thing as an unfair advantage.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#3
143. Risk is part of the game--play it for all it's worth.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#3
144. There's nothing wrong with charity... as long as it
winds up
in your pocket.
Rules
146. Necessity, n. The mother of invention. Profit is the
father.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#1
152. A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn't
know.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#2
153. Sell the sizzle, not the steak.
Quark, DS9 Comic #22
162. Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.
1. Rules
2. Rom, Wrath of the Prophets
168. Whisper your way to success.
Nog, "Treachery, Faith,
and the Great River"
169. Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#1
171. Blood is thicker than water, and latinum is thicker
than both.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#3
172. Chances aren't what they used to be.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#3
177. Know your enemies... but do business with them always.
Rules
181. Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
Rules
184. [not given]
Tunk, Balance of Power (*)
188. A fool and his money is the best customer.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#2
189. Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
Rules (*)
190. Hear all; trust nothing.
Nog, "Call to Arms"
191. A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted
themselves.
Tunk, Balance of Power
192. Never cheat a Klingon... unless you're sure you can
get away with it.
Rules
194. It's always good business to know about new customers
before they
walk in your door.
1. Quark, "Whispers" (*)
2. Quark, Rebels #1: The
Conquered
200. If you're going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#1
202. The justification of profit is profit.
Rules
203. New customers are like razor-backed Greeworms--they
can be
succulent, but sometimes
they bite back!
Quark, "Little Green Men"
204. It takes a Ferengi to cheat a Ferengi.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#3
208. Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than the question
is an
answer.
Zek, "Ferengi Love Songs"
211. Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success--don't
hesitate
to step on them.
1. Grimp, "Bar Association"
2. Rom, "Lwaxana Troi and
the Wedding of Doom" (comic)
214. Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.
Quark, "The Maquis, Part
I"
The Federation Travel Guide
216. Never gamble with an empath.
Quark, The Laertian Gamble
217. You can't free a fish from water.
Quark, "Past Tense, Part
I" (*)
218. Always know what you're buying.
Rules (*)
218. Always know the competition.
Odo, Gypsy World
218. Sometimes what you get free costs entirely too much.
Quark, DS9 Comic #12: "Baby
on Board"
219. Possession is 11/10 of the law.
Tunk, Balance of Power
223. Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
1. Rules
2. "Who Mourns For Morn?"
229. Latinum lasts longer than lust.
1. Rom, "Ferengi Love Songs"
2. Quark, "Four Funerals
and a Wedding" (comic)
231. There's a sucker born every minute; be sure you're
the first to
find each one.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#2
236. You can't buy fate.
Rules
239. Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
Gint, "Body Parts"
242. More is good... all is better.
Rules
243. [not given]
1. Quark, "Profit and Loss"
2. Quark, Devil in the Sky
253. Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer's
stuck purse.
Star Trek on the Brain
255. A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant, a necessity.
Rules
256. Accountants do not play the game; they only keep the
score.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#3
260. Life's not fair. How else would you turn a profit?
'Rules of Netquisition'
#2
261. A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
Rules
262. A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written
on.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#2
263. Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum.
Rom, "Bar Association"
265. The customer is always right (...until you get their
cash).
'Rules of Netquisition'
#1
266. When in doubt, lie.
Rules
267. If you believe it, they believe it.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#3
270. In business deals, a disruptor can be almost as important
as a
calculator.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#2
273. Never trust a hardworking employee.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#2
277. Anything worth fighting for is worth hiding from.
'Rules of Netquisition'
#3
284. Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi.
1. Rules
2. Ben Sisko, Rebels #1:
The Conquered
285. No good deed ever goes unpunished.
1. Quark, "The Collaborator"
2. Quark, "The Sound of
Her Voice"
3. Quark, Rebels #1: The
Conquered
285. A good deed is its own reward.
Rom, "Prophet Motive" (*)
286. When Morn leaves, it's all over.
Quark, "The House of Quark"
(*)
299. Whenever you exploit someone, it never hurts to thanks
them.
(That way, it's easier to
exploit them the next time.)
1. Neelix, "False Profits"
(*)
2. Star Trek on the Brain
?. The more time they take deciding, the more money they
will spend.
Nog, Stowaways
?. The greater (the) amount you are taking from someone,
the greater
the distraction must be.
Nog, Stowaways
?. A bargain usually isn't.
Jake, The Pet
?. One person's secret is another person's opportunity.
Quark, Devil in the Sky
?. The hand that holds the latinum may also hide a dagger.
Nog, Highest Score
?. You can tell a great deal about a man from his shoes.
Merchant, "False Profits"
?. Time's an asset.
Merchant, "False Profits"
?. Your goods are now my goods.
Merchant, "False Profits"
?. Exploitation begins at home.
Arridor and the Sandalmaker, "False
Profits"
?. When you see a good deal, jump on it.
Quark, Saratoga
?. A Ferengi without a head for business has no future.
Nog, Saratoga
?. Business is business, even among friends.
Odo, Saratoga
?. Everything has a price.
Pol, Federation
?. Ears open, eyes wide.
Quark, The 34th Rule
?. Never believe anyone taller than you.
Zek, The 34th Rule
?. There's a Rule of Acquisition to cover everything, but
that
doesn't mean one's always got to be
applied.
Quark, The 34th Rule
?. It's better to live on one's feet than to die on one's
knees.
Quark, Rebels #3: The Liberated
**. When no appropriate Rule applies, make one up. (The
unwritten rule)
[Example: When the messenger comes
to appropriate your
profits, kill the messenger.]
Arridor, "False Profits"
The first Grand Nagus. Gint, is generally regarded as the
author of
the Rules of Acquisition, the sacred precepts upon which
all of
Ferengi society is based. But they are just written down,
not carved
in stone. Even if they were, they're only guideposts;
the name "Rules
of Acquisition" was only a clever marketing ploy. After
all, would you
buy a book called "Suggestions of Acquisition"? ("Body
Parts")
In fact, Gint only wrote the first Rule of Acquisition,
cleverly
calling it the 162nd Rule to createa demand for the first
161 (Rules).
His successor, Yost, wrote the second Rule, number 104.
Many of the
Rules were written by the Grand Nagi over the years, but
some came
from Ferengi businessmen or entertainers. Only one Rule
was written by
a non-Ferengi: Rule 95 was written by The Masked Breen
(the Ferengi
didn't know at the time that all Breen are masked). (Legends)
There are 285 Rules of Acquisition altogether (Pel, "Rules
of
Acquisition"), and there have been since at least stardate
43385
(TNG's "The Price"). As of that stardate, there were 47
commentaries,
900 major and minor adjustments, and over 10,000 considered
opinions
(Voyager's "False Profits"), though more have likely been
added
since, including an amendment the Ferengi government was
considering
on stardate 47829 (TNG's "Bloodlines").
The second Rules numbered 1, 10, 21, 22, 65, and 285, and
the Rule
listed as number 23, were "The Rules of Acquisition, Revised
For the
Modern Ferengi" from "Prophet Motive". These revised Rules
were
never officially released, as Zek rescinded them after
a prophet
experience.
The novel Vengeance indicates that Quark has his own variation
on the
Sixth Rule: "Never allow __the hatred of__ family to stand
in the way
of profit."
It seems that Zek's new Rule 22 (Latinum tarnishes, but
family is
forever) is intended to be a variation on the real Rule
102 (Nature
decays, but Latinum is forever). Perhaps Zek re-ordered
some of the
Rules, or perhaps the writers couldn't think of an opposite
Rule for
"A wise man can hear profit in the wind."
Rules 34 and 35, "War is good for business" and "Peace
is good for
business", respectively, are easy to confuse. In "Destiny",
Dax
called "Peace" the 34th Rule, but Quark corrected her
that "Peace" was
Rule 35. However, in Objective: Bajor, Rom called "War"
the 35th
Rule. The 34th Rule is a novel written by Armin Shimerman
and David
George, available in November 1998. It remains to be seen
whether
peace or war will be good for profit in this book.
Rule 48 is misidentified as 49 in the non-fiction book
Star Trek on
the Brain.
Quark may have referred to Rule 60 in "Visionary". When
he was
accused of lying about his story, he asked, "Which part?"
The response
was "All of it", and Quark offered "At least I was consistent."
In the hardcover novel Federation, a Romulan Bird-of-Prey
owned by
Ferengi was named "The 62nd Rule". This was in the third
season of
TNG, and Data did not understand the reference, so it
is likely that
the Federation did not know much about Ferengi culture
until later.
In DS9 Celebrity Comic #1 (written by Aron Eisenberg (Nog)),
Gronn
mistakenly identified Rule 62 as 63. Nog corrected him.
Pel may have invented what she said for the Rule 103.
The omission of Rules 112 and 113 was necessary to maintain
the
family-friendliness of this website.
"Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit" was
actually the
first Rule of Acquisition ever put to parchment, thousands
of years
ago. Nagus Gint called it the 162nd Rule to increase demand
for Rules
1 through 161. (Rules) The second Rule was number 104,
written by
Gint's successor. (Legends)
Tunk misidentified Rule 191 as 184.
Quark referred to Rule 189 in "Babel". He asked Odo if
he wanted
to take a spin at the Dabo table. "If it's your reputation
you're
worried about, nobody has to know."
Quark wasn't certain of the number for the Rule listed
as 194. "It's
one of the high-numbered ones... 194, I think."
In "Past Tense, Part I", Quark called "You can't free a
fish from
water" as the 217th Rule, but in Rules, he called it the
117th.
He corrected himself in Legends of the Ferengi that it
was, in
fact, the 217th.
Quark may have been referring to Rule 218 in "The Abandoned"
when
someone asked him if there was a Rule about checking merchandise
before buying it.
Quark mentioned Rule #243 in "Profit and Loss", though
he did not
quote the text of the Rule.
Rule 286 isn't a real Rule, of course, but it should be,
according to
Quark.
Rule 299 was invented by Neelix, posing as the Grand Proxy,
the
official messenger for the Grand Nagus. He claimed that
several new
Rules of Acquisition had been adopted since Arridor and
Kol left the
Arpha Quadrant, seven years prior.
Rules coming from episodes are considered "canon", and
are given
highest priority in this list. Following in order of importance
are
Quark books, novels, young adult books, comic books, and
the Rules of
Netquisition.
The two Quark books are The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition
(Rules)
and Legends of the Ferengi (Legends). Rules included most
of the
Rules previously quoted in the series, and added many
more. Legends is
a collection of one- and two-page stories explaining the
source of all
of the Rules of Acquisition that were listed in Rules,
along with
others mentioned in episodes after the previous book came
out. The
Audiobook version, read by the author (Quark), has a few
"extras" not
included in the book, but also omits several of the Rules
for time
considerations.
The Internet competition, "The Rules of Netquisition",
was a
contest held in the springs of 1994, 1996, and 1997. 21
Rules were
taken from the first competition; 19 Rules were taken
from
the second competition; and 12 Rules were taken from the
third. The next Rules of Netquisition contest will begin
in
(approximately) February, 1998.
Star
Trek, Star Fleet, and the Star Fleet Logo are all copyrighted© by
Paramount Pictures. All rights reserved.
